Nineth Scribe: Final Steps

New Years Eve...

and I'm sitting, in my room, alone.

I wish someone was here...I wish I had more friends...

I'm sixteen... and life shouldn't be like this.

Everysecond gets worse, I think of all the adventures and experiences that I am missing out on.

It kills me..in every possible way my mind destroys itself.. MAKE IT STOP..PLS..I beg of you to make this stop...

It's just under three hours before graduation year, 2010..I know I have to give it all. It only seemed like yesterday that I wanted school to end. I thought the time would never come... But now, things have changed...alot. I don't want it to end, I am not ready for it to end. There's so many things that I haven't yet done and accomplished. There are so many things that would go to waste if it were to end. I'm not ready...

I have been to the brink of death many times before...maybe this time...it takes me

This blog... It helps to relief the suffering within me, at least for a moment...

- When opportunity knocks, open the door, for it won't knock again

Eighth Scribe: A New Race

So here I am again, sitting, writing to myself and the others who read this,reflecting...griefing?

Looking back at my past years I now realise, the moments of pain, anger, joy...They all helped to make me who I am today. This journey has brought me far and I now stand, facing the crossroad of indentity and fate, there are many paths... Indecisiveness is my weakness, but I must choose...with all my strength and will I must choose. Don't hold back, don't delay, don't procrastinate. Make a decision and go all the way. You are the master of your own fate, only you can truely decide who you are and who you want to be. So choose, for this is the time where you end another brillant chapter in your life only to open a new one. A new Race..

- Life is unwritten and you are the authour

Seventh Scribe: Reflection

Every ounce of sin I feel against my soul, sitting in the darkness is what I seem to do best...avoiding attention while the world surpasses me. Why can't I be a part of it?? Only separation defines my life...is it really worth living?

I always see the light, the target, the goal... I'm always so close, like it is almost in my reach..but somehow I never fully get there. Its as if some extraordinary factor exists that aims to destroy me. It pulls me back just that little more, to make me suffer but not give up..an endless torture. I wish I could break free, I wish joy was eternal...

If time could rewind, everything would change...
Why do I constantly demote myself? I don’t do it intentionally, it natural...
The subconscious magnet towards doom, I feel its strength within me..

-Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Transiton Scribe

Well...for those who read this, sorry that I stopped blogging these last few months. I've been to busy getting caught in the new light...that completely forgot to hold on to it, what it is like to lose it..and how to not let it slip through your very fingers before it falls into the depths of an endless unknown...
I treasured every moment I shared in boarding school, moving forward everyday while leaving my past behind.
I will blog again soon..

-Live the moment to the fullest

Sixth Scribe: New Hope

Now...it’s my time to grab on to this rope, this safety line..it’s my only way out of this darkness...Maybe he’s finally given me a chance, a jackpot, the real deal. It’s a new pathway and a turning point in my life. Maybe I have a future after all, to go through the darkness and finish in the light... This is what I thought after I went in to boarding school...
Boarding was the best experience I have had in my wretched life so far

- Nights I can't remember with mates I will never forget, thx B-Rad..bros

Firth Scribe: Candle Light

A candle can only lead you so far in a pathway of darkness, before it runs out. If you cherish it... The pain, burn and scar before it leaves marks not the last of hope.

Imagine... being in a dark place...trying to open your eyes, but..it’s already open. There’s no sense of touch, just the light cold breeze on your fingertips. Frozen ice trickles your back while warm salty drops runs down your cheeks. Your heart..it left you in a state of endless grief and anger. Every gush of wind whispers sounds of death in your ears. You are left with...nothing but an imagination of hope. Time has lost all meaning to you as this suffering is eternal. Your soul tells you to die..it wants to leave this wretched body, every fibre in your body tells you to listen to it...but...something, some indescribable factor holds you back, just giving you that small amount of hope, that brief moment that’s enough for you to carry on just a little more, but not enough to save you... You suffer more, screaming on the inside while no one hears you... You run, scared and disorientated you just keep running..trying to escape the fear, you run so fast but even your hardest effort doesn’t change a thing...Finally, you collapse...only to re awaken trying to open your eyes again....

-Time, the most valuable thing..no one can ever get back..or change...

Forth Scribe: Alone

My reasons?? Well..there are plenty. I always have chances, chances to have a good life..but it always gets taken away from me, by mistakes and my own self. I like people, I like the thought of having lots of good friends and hanging out together..I like the thought of finding someone you love, to look after her, have fun with her, share feelings with her and love her...I guess these are the sorts things I’ll miss out on, being the way that I am...It’s hard to accept it but that’s just the way life is, everyone is different..some more unfortunate than others.

I know there are others like me, such as this guy who I went to school with. The only difference is, he doesn’t want to change. There’s no motivation in him to change..to fix himself. That’s what I noticed, that is different about me and the others. I am good at noticing what I do wrong, and have been given the motivation to resolve it. This separation in my mind, it helps me to look at the world from an outside view...like I’m not a part of it, but still inside. I’m not really sure how long this new light will last, hopefully it’s enough to lead me out of this maze....

- Sometimes I like being cold...it dulls my senses, shutting me from the outside world and my exclusion from it....