Twelfth Scribe: A Light Before The Eyes

So much happened in the past four months... It is like everything I hoped for was suddenly driven towards me, through me and out into a never ending distant black. Before I had a chance to grasp it...it was gone. I feel like the endless times of hope and prayers finally cracked and released a wave of energy that pushed through me...a little too quickly. All I have is memories, but I suppose memories are good enough. Now that I have experienced what I so dearly fought for, struggled for, SUFFERED for... does that mean my life is over?? Does it mean that I have a choice to end it?? There is no purpose...even now, after my hopes and attempted resolutions have been accomplished, I STILL FEEL THE SAME!!...GET IT THE FUCK OUTTA ME...please...I beg you please..... My last solution has failed. I’ve been given the ticket out. It so clear I can see it. I can’t take it any longer, the pain... it hurts so much. I want to be free, from the hurt, the pain, the doubts, the sin, the uncertainty, the regrets, the hate within... I have fallen into the trap of the world, I have been tempted to love the hate, and I’ve failed to resist... Freedom remains constantly in the back of my mind, happiness shows no effect on the disease of death that plagues my mind, disguised as a luxury it lingers so dearly, the perfect hunt... yet impossible to oppose... I am beyond repair... I am beyond hope... I am beyond reverse... I am beyond life... and sick of it...

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My friends have turned against me due to some stupid FUCK of a rumour that my once close friend began... infested by paranoia, his mind does not see the clear world...or the world at all...he his centered to himself, blinded by the evil and lost in spiritual darkness... I pray you’d help him...please, I pray you do. He’s just being a child like he’s always been, I’m not really sure when he’ll grow up...if ever. I feel sorry him, that he lacks the ability to appreciate the gifts that were given to him...now he’s lost it... He has developed a naive nature, one which destroyed the potential to forgive others and portray humility to those who are blinded from the light, he has been filled by acts the lost... To oppose his poor self esteem he proceeds to minimized others and in turn this invokes satisfaction to his ego...I have tried my best...only HE can help this poor lost soul...I am sorry that couldn’t save him....

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- Somtimes the only thing that you want, is impossible to get...

Eleventh Scribe: The Best Year Yet

Today, I'm sitting at my desk, thinking and reflecting on the suspension of time in which I lay. This moment, like a gap in reality acts as a vacuum for happiness. I pray it will last forever, but I know that it won't... The year draws closer to an end, and I know that friendships will be shattered as we walk our separate paths into the world. The people that I've known and taken for granted as figures in my everyday life disappear. This precious moment, I hope it will stay...but at the same time a little part of me looks forward in to the future. There’s always a point where one must move on, and I feel this point approaching closer each day. I suppose that is the way life is. Everything will always have an expiration date. Happiness depends on your perception and the way you use the time before expiration. So that is what I’ll do, live the moment, think positively, love others and be happy, for time will flash before one’s eyes.

- Faith, a Hope for the best

Forth Scribe: Alone

My reasons?? Well..there are plenty. I always have chances, chances to have a good life..but it always gets taken away from me, by mistakes and my own self. I like people, I like the thought of having lots of good friends and hanging out together..I like the thought of finding someone you love, to look after her, have fun with her, share feelings with her and love her...I guess these are the sorts things I’ll miss out on, being the way that I am...It’s hard to accept it but that’s just the way life is, everyone is different..some more unfortunate than others.

I know there are others like me, such as this guy who I went to school with. The only difference is, he doesn’t want to change. There’s no motivation in him to change..to fix himself. That’s what I noticed, that is different about me and the others. I am good at noticing what I do wrong, and have been given the motivation to resolve it. This separation in my mind, it helps me to look at the world from an outside view...like I’m not a part of it, but still inside. I’m not really sure how long this new light will last, hopefully it’s enough to lead me out of this maze....

- Sometimes I like being cold...it dulls my senses, shutting me from the outside world and my exclusion from it....