So much happened in the past four months... It is like everything I hoped for was suddenly driven towards me, through me and out into a never ending distant black. Before I had a chance to grasp it...it was gone. I feel like the endless times of hope and prayers finally cracked and released a wave of energy that pushed through me...a little too quickly. All I have is memories, but I suppose memories are good enough. Now that I have experienced what I so dearly fought for, struggled for, SUFFERED for... does that mean my life is over?? Does it mean that I have a choice to end it?? There is no purpose...even now, after my hopes and attempted resolutions have been accomplished, I STILL FEEL THE SAME!!...GET IT THE FUCK OUTTA ME...please...I beg you please..... My last solution has failed. I’ve been given the ticket out. It so clear I can see it. I can’t take it any longer, the pain... it hurts so much. I want to be free, from the hurt, the pain, the doubts, the sin, the uncertainty, the regrets, the hate within... I have fallen into the trap of the world, I have been tempted to love the hate, and I’ve failed to resist... Freedom remains constantly in the back of my mind, happiness shows no effect on the disease of death that plagues my mind, disguised as a luxury it lingers so dearly, the perfect hunt... yet impossible to oppose... I am beyond repair... I am beyond hope... I am beyond reverse... I am beyond life... and sick of it...
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My friends have turned against me due to some stupid FUCK of a rumour that my once close friend began... infested by paranoia, his mind does not see the clear world...or the world at all...he his centered to himself, blinded by the evil and lost in spiritual darkness... I pray you’d help him...please, I pray you do. He’s just being a child like he’s always been, I’m not really sure when he’ll grow up...if ever. I feel sorry him, that he lacks the ability to appreciate the gifts that were given to him...now he’s lost it... He has developed a naive nature, one which destroyed the potential to forgive others and portray humility to those who are blinded from the light, he has been filled by acts the lost... To oppose his poor self esteem he proceeds to minimized others and in turn this invokes satisfaction to his ego...I have tried my best...only HE can help this poor lost soul...I am sorry that couldn’t save him....
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- Somtimes the only thing that you want, is impossible to get...
