Fourteenth/Fifteenth Scribe: Push On

(Written in February)

I’m out of school and its closing towards the end of the holidays. School for others has already commenced and it’s starting to feel weird. I feel like I should be going to school.. like I belong there.. but I suppose there comes a point in one’s life where one must move on, and so I have. I’ve moved on into the big world and with university commencing soon I prepare to face the challenges that await me. My values are strong.. I am strong, ready and committed to influence others and lead them. Those who hit me hard with hate and arrogance will falter and fall under the light that emanates from my soul. The experiences... and the gift that I have must now be equipped and used for the betterment of the world. While I continue to grow in this new light no one will stop me no matter how close, far or dedicated they are... they will not obstruct me. For I travel hard and strong.. with compassion and commitment to fulfil my purpose. Endurance will take me far... and it will be far enough....

- Those who seek to bring chaos to the world will be broken

Fifthteenth Scribe: What Do You See In The Open Sky ?

Don't you just hate it when you strive so hard.. you spill your heart and soul out to achieve something and yet the goal is no where in sight ? You pour every single part of yourself in to doing the best that you can and yet...someone else just easily takes it away from you as if you were standing stagnant. That someone else is filled with hate he breeds anger in to the world and torments others while mocking those who are less fortunate.. It is as if the wicked are blessed but not the good... it is as if everything you know has reversed and the universe is caught in an eternal spin of doom. Why ? Why does nothing ever go the way of the contented but instead take the worse possible route during the worse possible time ?

It is my first year of university. Ppl seem so distant now, and the bondages that glued friendships toghether during highschool is non-existant. The atmosphere feels like its ever man for himself.. but no.. I will not accept this... I do not want to accept the corrupted nature of world at its face value... I believe there is something signifcantly deeper. Deeper than the arrogance that lies on the surface, deeper than the closed mind that rejects others. Everyone has a heart that is tucked away or pushed aside somewhere in a dusty coner.. (to protect it ?) What a chaotic realm in which we live... defence mechanisms that have gone wrong. It is when these mechanisms stop protecting but instead collide with its equivalent in its surroundings that it evolves, not just to defend but to attack.

The Voice... such a powerful weapon ... such deadly weapon... such a destructive weapon... while its use is inevitable everyday

- Nice people will never finish last

Fourteenth Scribe: Into the world I go

Is it time?

Is it time to change? Is it time to reveal my soul, from obscurity, from hiding? Is it time to release myself into world? Society says yes, but my heart remains uncertain...scared? Yesterday was my valedictory dinner. It marked the dismissal of us boys from school and our release into the open world as we spread our knowledge and values through our relation with others. A great leader once said "don't be afraid of change...don't be too comfortable" as a testament to his will to stretch his boundaries. I believe this is exactly what I need to achieve. To stretch my boundaries and not be afraid of mistakes. To stand for my values and what I believe in even if it meant standing alone attracting the torment of others.

I am ready to explore the world...

I am ready to learn and respect the values of others...

I am ready to build relations...

I am ready to treasure those that are close and far...

I am ready to be proud of who I have become...

I am ready to influence the world...

I am ready to be happy....

- "Find humour in everything you do, in others and yourself " (Ryan Foster)

Thirteenth Scribe: The Crack Within

Is it wrong to be hurt by someone you don't even like?

Why do I feel this way...like I've made a huge mistake?

Yesterday I ended it with someone I've known for a while, just like that I severed the relationship...the connection...was it wrong? If I had left it to run the way it would...It may have been alot worse..but was it wrong to take fate into my own hands?? I just don't know the answer.. doubt fills itself in my mind, I suppose regret is the worse state of thought isn't it..

Just let it go.. don't leech on to it, don't think about it, don't ever look back on it...

- Time.. a keeper of secrets and yet only it will give an answer... a great killer and yet only it will bring new life...

Twelfth Scribe: A Light Before The Eyes

So much happened in the past four months... It is like everything I hoped for was suddenly driven towards me, through me and out into a never ending distant black. Before I had a chance to grasp it...it was gone. I feel like the endless times of hope and prayers finally cracked and released a wave of energy that pushed through me...a little too quickly. All I have is memories, but I suppose memories are good enough. Now that I have experienced what I so dearly fought for, struggled for, SUFFERED for... does that mean my life is over?? Does it mean that I have a choice to end it?? There is no purpose...even now, after my hopes and attempted resolutions have been accomplished, I STILL FEEL THE SAME!!...GET IT THE FUCK OUTTA ME...please...I beg you please..... My last solution has failed. I’ve been given the ticket out. It so clear I can see it. I can’t take it any longer, the pain... it hurts so much. I want to be free, from the hurt, the pain, the doubts, the sin, the uncertainty, the regrets, the hate within... I have fallen into the trap of the world, I have been tempted to love the hate, and I’ve failed to resist... Freedom remains constantly in the back of my mind, happiness shows no effect on the disease of death that plagues my mind, disguised as a luxury it lingers so dearly, the perfect hunt... yet impossible to oppose... I am beyond repair... I am beyond hope... I am beyond reverse... I am beyond life... and sick of it...

.

My friends have turned against me due to some stupid FUCK of a rumour that my once close friend began... infested by paranoia, his mind does not see the clear world...or the world at all...he his centered to himself, blinded by the evil and lost in spiritual darkness... I pray you’d help him...please, I pray you do. He’s just being a child like he’s always been, I’m not really sure when he’ll grow up...if ever. I feel sorry him, that he lacks the ability to appreciate the gifts that were given to him...now he’s lost it... He has developed a naive nature, one which destroyed the potential to forgive others and portray humility to those who are blinded from the light, he has been filled by acts the lost... To oppose his poor self esteem he proceeds to minimized others and in turn this invokes satisfaction to his ego...I have tried my best...only HE can help this poor lost soul...I am sorry that couldn’t save him....

.

- Somtimes the only thing that you want, is impossible to get...

Eleventh Scribe: The Best Year Yet

Today, I'm sitting at my desk, thinking and reflecting on the suspension of time in which I lay. This moment, like a gap in reality acts as a vacuum for happiness. I pray it will last forever, but I know that it won't... The year draws closer to an end, and I know that friendships will be shattered as we walk our separate paths into the world. The people that I've known and taken for granted as figures in my everyday life disappear. This precious moment, I hope it will stay...but at the same time a little part of me looks forward in to the future. There’s always a point where one must move on, and I feel this point approaching closer each day. I suppose that is the way life is. Everything will always have an expiration date. Happiness depends on your perception and the way you use the time before expiration. So that is what I’ll do, live the moment, think positively, love others and be happy, for time will flash before one’s eyes.

- Faith, a Hope for the best

The Next Scribe: Final Year

(Soz for the late post, I didn't have access to internet for a while)

The last chapter in yet another story in my life...begins tomorrow.
No one knows the future...no one knows what events will unfold next. Though this is how it’s been since the existence of time, it scares..and excites. Like the beginning of an unwritten story, it could be anything at all. It could be the best, or worse. Now is the time to find myself, for this decision will define me for the rest my existence on Earth. So what will it be?? Cause in nine months it will all be over. Holy Shit. =P